“What’s Your Name, Girl?!”

A question to my men out there. Have you ever heard yourself try to talk to a woman? I mean hear and understand the implications of what you just said. No? Well, a good majority of us think we are smooth. I do anyway. So, any type of conversation is legit, right? Maybe you haven’t heard yourself. Another question.

Have you heard another dude trying to get at a woman?

Yes, you have because some men make sport of this, and we have undoubtedly ran into that type of guy before. Think about it. You’re chilling with the squad and you see a down right beautiful lady in public. She’s the type that makes your head turn every time you see her. This girl is bad business! Conversation is a must. A strong intellect only increases the attraction. The alpha(s) of the group decide spitting game is a must. I mean who can resist them right? Out of nowhere one of your partners yells,


She turns and looks at you like…..


And that effectively ends any chance you could have had because you look like you’re hanging with dogs. Everyone turns and looks at the literal holla guy to let him know how dumb he is for yelling. Not because it’s disrespectful, but because he just ruined things for the rest of the crew.

Priorities, gentlemen.

Ok. So, maybe you’re not the bold, “scream at a girl and maybe she’ll give me her number” type. Maybe you walk into a store and loudly cuss due to her beauty. I mean she caught you of guard, right? This scenario actually happened when I was with one of my friends in K &G’s. A guy came in and there was a vulgar outburst of gratitude for her body. I wondered what was going on until it hit me that this dude was checking my homegirl out. Brotha was loud and proud with it too. She kept right on shopping like it was nothing. To this day, I wonder if she even knew what was going on. The sad reality is that she’s used to that behavior.

A lot of women are used to it. And that’s a problem.

Guys, I’m all for being able to talk you a woman, but it’s all in the approach. Calling her pet names (i.e. sweetheart, honey, beautiful) is not getting you anywhere. She’s not impressed. Yelling across the store is not going to get you a favorable response. Or…….

Maybe she just doesn’t want to be bothered.

It’s a fact of life, fellas. Sometimes women don’t feel like a random in their face. Especially the one they already know has mentally stripped them naked before a word came out of his mouth. You could be the nicest guy on earth and they still could reject everything about you. They just don’t feel like the nonsense. And we have to respect that.

No. We need to respect that.

Think about it like this. Have you ever been approached by a woman who you knew was coming to talk to you? You and only you? Most men would welcome this if there was some type of physical attraction. Buuuuuuuut nope. So, dread sets in and you start looking for escape routes. How can I avoid this potentially awkward encounter? All the while they are making a beeline to you and there’s nothing you can do about it. That happened to me. One woman approached me and let me know in no uncertain terms what she would do to me of a sexual nature. She proceeded to dip it low, bite my shirt on the way up, run her finger down my chest, and say, “One night……”


The thought still turns my stomach.

The kicker is she said it and walked away. Imagine if I said no, and she still stayed there like I’m going to give her the time of day. Eventually, I’m going to get frustrated and the conversation is going to be a frank truth you don’t want to hear. Then all of a sudden I’m a jerk because of the way I reacted.

That is a reality of life for women.

Guys try, and fail, to spit game not realizing they how ludicrous they sound. Sometimes, we sound ridiculous!  How is a woman supposed to respond to, “Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven”? Or, “What up, Ma? I’m tryin to holla at you!”? The conversation is already over when she hears these things. Some how it becomes the woman’s fault the encounter went awry, and she’s all kinds of derogatory names. All because she hurt your pride? No. Just no. The problem with spitting game is that some conversations lack a basic component which is essential in all relationships.


How is a woman supposed to feel respected if the first things she hears are whistling, comments about her body (i.e. you got a donkey/fatty), or some asininely lame pick-up line? How is she supposed to feel her worth when you approach her as an object? How can she feel valued when you see her as a conquest? True conversation stems from a genuine interest in each other. If you want her to return the interest, then treat her like a regular human being.  Matter of fact, do more than that.

Treat her like a queen.

[Image Credit Mashable]

[Image Credit Hub Pages]

[Gif Credit Giphy]

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